“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The music seems to swell, seems to fill the room and turn my skin to shivers. I think it’s my boy that touches your heart the most.” “You think Jace is the one making me sad?” You’ve been sad ever since Jace came home.” She shakes her head and stares up at the lampshade, spinning from the vibrations of his music. I meet her concerned blue gaze, which is so much like Jace’s it makes me tremble. Three, four, five songs pass before Lila speaks again.

I rock in the chair as we listen to Jace’s hectic music leaking through the walls. A long time ago I was angry but it’s been a long while now that I”- love you -“have come to like you a fair bit.” “It’s hard for him to see me like this,” Lila says. Then she curls up in bed like she does every normal day. I feel Dad’s hysterical laughter and see his hand searching for hers at the dining table as they share a yogurt. Could the doctors have gotten it all wrong? This morning she decided she needed to vacuum the carpets.Ī strange beacon of hope coiled itself tightly in my gut. She only wants to sleep.Īnd then a surge of energy overcomes her. She tries to eat for us but she doesn’t want to.

Lila has lost so much weight, and her gaunt face is lined with pain that her meds can’t entirely take away. I take over the rocking chair at her bedside, giving Dad the time he needs to pull himself together. He sleeps less and takes daily shots of port in his study. As the weeks pass into months, he wells up with tears every time he walks into their room. Dad stays at Lila’s side reading to her, playing games, watching movies, and taking naps with his fingers entwined with hers.

Rock by anyta sunday